A Word on Value

One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t tell me what you value. Show me what you do and I’ll tell you what you value.”

There’s an image that always comes to mind with this quote. It’s winter in Chicago. The ground is frozen and the winds are fierce. I’m walking from the train station home and I encounter many people walking their dogs. These pets have on coats and booties to protect their paws from the icy ground. In the same moment I pass by a person experiencing homelessness who is huddled under blankets, with newspapers stuffed in their coat to provide insulation against the bitter cold. Here is an image that greatly troubles me and reply grieves my spirit – the pet that is provided care and the human who is ignored. 

Show me what you do and I’ll tell you what you value…

I’ve been thinking a lot about value recently – value as defined as the amount of meaning we give to something on someone; how we understand and demonstrate one’s worth and importance. I’ve always struggled with feeling valued, with wondering if I am good enough to be worth it – to be worth loving or worth spending time with or worth committing to. This is something I continue to work on, but there are days and moments when I wonder about my worth. 

I often say that the things you hear people talk about most often are the things people struggle with on a regular basis. Well, I consistently talk about self worth and self love, two things that I am desperately trying to figure out. While I intellectually believe that I am a child of God and that this identity supercedes any other identity, my heart wonders why this designation isn’t enough; why I still seek value from things and people who are external to me. 

And this is the rub – I cannot control those things and people that are external. Any attempt I make to seek meaning from that which is outside of myself will continually end in disappointment. We cannot seek that which can only be given by the Creator from those who did not create us. My work, my relationship, my friends or my family can give me the sense of meaning, worth and identity that I do believe is given to me by God.

On some days this is easier said than believed. I’m realizing that my actions towards myself have to continue to point back to my belief that I have been created in the image of the Divine and my worth is not based on anything or anyone else. It’s not based on anything I do or say or don’t do or say. It’s based on who God is and the fact that God breathed life into me and gifted me to show up in the world as a participant in God’s plan of restoration. 

I’m still struggling with how this knowledge translates into belief and action. I want people to see what I do and say, “Rozella is a woman who values herself, honors the Divine within and loves all whom she encounters.” I’m not quite there yet but I’m  working on it. 

Show me what you do and I’ll tell you what you value…

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A Word on V. Stiviano

I have come to believe that the people we share intimate space with reflect back to us how we feel about ourselves. As I think about my romantic relationships throughout my life, I can honestly say that each one served as a mirror, reflecting how I viewed who I was at that particular time in my life. I can see a difference in how I relate to men now as I have matured and dealt with issues of self worth versus how I related to men during times in my life that I was less aware of my inherent worth. I thank God everyday for growth in this area of my life because, truth be told, my relationships were a doozy.

There have been many comments and commentary on the recent comments made by the owner of the L.A. Clippers, Donald Sterling. Sports commentators, cultural critics, community leaders and bloggers of every ilk have weighed in on the tape that has been released which provides a peek into his psyche. What is revealed is that he has strong opinions about black folk. He’s been called a racist, a redneck, a bigot, a modern day slave owner, with the the Clippers and the NBA playing the role as a 21st century plantation. I would agree with all of these sentiments based on the language, imagery and vitriol that he shared.

However, the most disturbing thing for me has nothing to do with Sterling. It has to do with the fact that a mixed race woman was in an intimate relationship with him. I cannot wrap my mind around how a person who literally embodied that which seemingly disgusts Sterling could be in relationship with this man. Continue reading