Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary had I not divorced. Eight years. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I had stayed married and I’m aware that the melancholy that overcomes me at this time of year is directly related to this fact.
In August of 2011 I separated from my ex-husband and plunged into one my most severe depressive episodes. At that point we had only been married for three years but I knew that the life I was living was not the life I desired. We were both miserable and that led to resentment and heartache and pain. Making the decision to separate and subsequently divorce was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Continue reading
One of my hopes for Embracing My Shadow is that it becomes a platform for people to not only share their stories of sadness and despair but also to share stories of survival and hope. It is my deep desire that it becomes a space where people receive encouragement, support and the knowledge that they are not alone.
In 2016, I will be featuring guest posts, some of them anonymous, so that more voices might be heard and stories might be shared about peoples’ journey of embracing the fullness of who they are. As we all seek purpose and meaning, it becomes so very important that we stop running from and fearing the darkness in our lives. It’s time for us to confront our shadows and to seek help, healing and wholeness and we grow in our love of self.
This is not an easy task; it is one that requires vulnerability and shouldn’t be taken lightly. I remind all that engage this space that I am not a therapist and if you or someone you know is contemplating hurting themselves, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Seek help before it’s too late.
Below is a post shared by a fellow Shadow Lover. I applaud their courage in putting their story in writing and I also encourage them to seek support.
TRIGGER WARNING: ***The following article contains imagery and language that might be a trigger for some. If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, please seek help and know this article might be a trigger.***
2015 has been a year! A year of friends and fun; of weekend get aways and smiles, selfies and drinks; of working out and healthy eating. At least that’s what my Instagram would lead you to believe…
In reality, 2015 has been filled with challenges, massive depressive swings, loneliness, doubting my self worth, and suicidal thoughts. But no one knows. Continue reading
I am an incarnation Christian – my faith in the Christian story begins with God becoming human. For this reason, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It reminds me the importance of being present and embodying themes like peace, love and joy. It reminds me that God is love and that this love is present in the world, despite what we may think. This love is a living, breathing, transforming force that overcomes hate, fear and anything that would seek to thwart God’s promise of abundant life for us all.
I love the church. I know that I’ve said many things and written many words that may cause some to wonder, but my emotion and passion about things such as church, faith and life together stems from my deep and abiding love for God’s church. I define God’s church not as a specific denomination but as an already but not yet reality where people who recognize their identity as beloved children of God gather to worship and grow. These people then engage in their communities – local, national and global – to seek change and transformation because their faith rests in a God of new life and healing and restoration. This is the image and practice of church that I love and this is the church that I fight for.
Today I was honored to preach during the weekly chapel service at my denomination’s headquarters. I found it to be quite serendipitous that the Gospel lesson was from John 8:31-36, which speaks to knowing the truth and being set free. I’ve written about that before and it didn’t go so well. Or maybe it did because it pissed some people off…
Below is my sermon from today that explores truth, what is true, how it sets us free and why it pisses us off..
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”[i]
This quote has long been attributed to leaders in activist movements without specifically knowing who was the first to say it. Regardless of who said it, it bears repeating: “The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off.”
This leads me to three questions:
- What is truth?
- How does it set you free?
- And why does it piss you off?
Today’s gospel text helps in answering these questions and it does so quite simply and one might even say, quite succinctly.
Jesus is the truth.
He sets us free from bondage to sin.
This pisses us off because it goes against our human nature and calls us into a different way of being – one that is not theoretical, but actual because it is a way of being that follows the person of Jesus Christ. It causes us to change course; to die to ourselves and live anew in ways that are about loving God, loving others and loving self.
However, in true Rozella form, I can’t stop or even begin there. Let’s back up to some personal reflections. Continue reading
I am very clear about who I am and how I show up in the world. I carry major parts of my identity with me.
I am black.
I am a woman.
These are two realities that are inescapable – not that I’d want to be anyone other than who I have been created to be. These two realities mean something in every space I inhabit. They are visible and I believe that this is what makes conversations about race and gender slightly different than conversations about other issues of injustice. This is another way that I have learned to embrace my shadow.
Saturday, July 18, 2015 is a day I will never forget. I had the distinct pleasure and honor to be a speaker at the 2015 ELCA Youth Gathering. When it was announced that I was speaking, many people sent me messages of encouragement. I realized very quickly that most people thought I was going to talk about racial justice or gender equity, two things I speak loudly and unapologetically about. However, my invitation to speak at the Gathering was not about current events and the church’s response. My invitation to speak at the Gathering was an invitation to share my story with 30,000 people.
I remember the first time I publicly shared my story. It was the fall of 2012 and it was the first blog I published on this site. Fast forward three years and I was asked to share this story verbally. Leading up to the event, I was quite anxious. But something happened as the hour drew near for me to speak. I felt that all elusive peace that we often talk about in faith circles, the peace that surpasses human understanding. When I stepped on stage I had a moment where I thought, “This is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”